Visiting The Chowdaheads

I've long wanted to visit the far northeastern portion of the United States -- the New England area, as I usually refer to it.  As a bonus, I've always wanted to do that in October, during the peak of Fall colors.

This month, that visit finally happened.  During the week I was there, I swept through parts of six different states.  Here are some observations from each state:

Massachusetts -- The trip started and ended in Boston, the only place in the area to which I'd previously been.  As with that prior trip, I consider it a friendly town, but unless you're really into colonial history, not that exciting.  A day-trip to Cape Cod was a lot of driving, but more interesting.  It doesn't take much to imagine that big sand bar to be choked with tourists and traffic during the summer months.

Rhode Island -- Spent a night in Providence, which struck me as being like Des Moines if it was located on the Atlantic shore.  Even though it's a small state, didn't have the time to get to Newport, which I suspect would have been a lot like Cape Cod.

Connecticut -- Only drove through the corner of this state.  Nothing to report, except that I was there.

Vermont -- It generally fit the stereotype.  A mostly rural state, with dense (and colorful) birch and maple trees covering the landscape, bed and breakfast-type inns, dairy herds, and friendly people.  Home to Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream and Cabot Cheese, both of which I toured.  It's not that much different than Iowa, with the White Mountain range instead of silos.

New Hampshire -- A lot like Vermont, with one major, unexpected exception: About 25 miles of Atlantic shore line, with vast sandy beaches and some huge houses and resorts.  Who knew?  That small corner of New Hampshire was actually a lot more like I expected Cape Cod to be.

Maine -- We weren't able to make it up to Acadia National Park, but the southern part of the state had its own charm.  Think lighthouses, lobsters, and coastal shipping passages.  I got the feeling that everyone who lives there wither worked as a fisherman or longshoreman.  However, that feeling went away on a visit to Kennebunkport -- a vacation destination for the very wealthy and connected, with the Bush family compound being the elite of the elite.

By my count, this leaves Alabama, Alaska, Idaho, Mississippi, Montana, North Carolina, South Carolina, and North Dakota as only states I haven't yet been to.  A couple of golf trips should fix that.

A Failed History Lesson

“Those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it.”  So goes the famous quote attributed to Sir Winston Churchill.

This quote came to life for me again in the past week, after watching parts of two different, public television documentaries on the Vietnam War.   The main one was a new, 10-part series called The Vietnam War from Ken Burns.  The other was from a couple of years ago called Dick Cavett’s Vietnam.

I was only in the single-digits old during the Vietnam War, so I didn’t understand then what was happening, either in Southeast Asia or in America.  I only have a few real recollections of it.  One was a day around 1970, when my family was watching a television scroll of calendar days next to numbers.  (I didn’t realized this until many years later, but they were looking at the draft lottery, and probably wondering if a randomly drawn number would send a loved one to the war.)  Another memory was the day the war informally ended, in April 1975, watching TV reports of the last people being lifted by helicopter from the U.S. embassy roof in Saigon.

So, watching parts of these documentaries was new information for me.  It’s hard to understand even now how much of a dumb, tactical, human failure it was for the U.S.  Tremendous, unnecessary sacrifice and loss of life, just to keep a small, remote territory from becoming Communist.  But that’s the way it was then, Communism was our enemy, and we were blind to our limits to contain it.

What really struck me, however, is how similar things were to the (current) U.S. 'wars' in Iraq and Afghanistan.  They also started out as something that would be quickly managed, and with a fair amount of support after the 9/11 terrorist attacks.  But again, we were blind to our limits to defeat an idea (terrorism), and the length of the wars and their eventual human cost, which turned American attitudes against it.

Not only are there general similarities, but as the Cavett documentary showed, there are fascinating similarities with the personalities involved then and now.   I thought of a number of them within a few minutes as I was watching:

Lyndon Johnson = George W. Bush

Robert McNamara = Donald Rumsfeld

Dick Cavett = Jon Stewart or Stephen Colbert

Warren Beatty and Jane Fonda = George Clooney (and Jane Fonda?)

Muhammad Ali = ?  Unfortunately, no contemporary famous athlete compares to him, and no contemporary athlete suffered like him.

It’s was 40 years between the Vietnam War and the Iraq / Afghanistan conflicts.  Did we learn anything from history?  Now it’s been 50 years since the Vietnam War.  Have we learned anything yet?

Iowa Pride

This past weekend, I attended another Iowa - Iowa State football game in Ames.  I've gone to a lot of these games over the years, and while the product on the field isn't always great, and some (Hawkeye) fans are irrational about their team, the pre-game tailgating and camaraderie are always above par.

For example, a picture that went viral (at least in Iowa) was of two men wearing Iowa State gear lifting a wheelchair-bound Iowa fan -- later identified as a relative of an Iowa player -- up some steps into the stadium.  This is the kind of routine nice that you usually see in Iowa.

It got me to thinking that I've been spending too much time thinking about what's wrong with Iowa.  Things like our politicians, our weather, our meth labs, and did I mention our politicians?

Anyway, there are plenty of good things about Iowa and its residents, including but not limited to.....

* Generally relentlessly friendly people
* Generally intelligent people
* Wide open spaces
* Low crime rate
* Low cost of living

.....and at the end of the day, it's better to focus on these things than on Iowa / Iowans' shortcomings.

But it's easier to spot and write about the shortcomings, so that's going to keep happening.

Winning The Family Feud

It’s long been an axiom that family and politics don’t mix.  This has never been more true than in the past year, with the unexpected election of a polarizing president – and that’s saying the absolute best thing I can about what happened / what’s happening in America.

Even amongst families, there seems to be no bridging the current ideological divide that has been forged by Fox News, Trump, and the Republican Party.  It’s crazy, because none of those aforementioned things even mattered to the general public until recently.

Since the last national election, I’ve been at a few gatherings of immediate family members.  When social and/or political matters have inevitably come up in conversation, I’ve been very good about quickly changing the subject.  (My favorite line is, ‘So who do you think is going to win the [name sports division here]?”)  Changing the subject is better than silence, lest someone mistake that silence as a tacit agreement about anything being said.

I suppose it was just a matter of time, however, before I heard one of my relatives say something racist or homophobic or xenophobic or misogynistic to the point I could no longer bite my tongue. That happened last week.

So I spoke back at them, trying to expose their beliefs as unacceptable in today’s society, and definitely unacceptable in present company.  (By ‘present company’ I refer to me, but there were several other family members in the room, none of whom were willing or able to engage in a sociopolitical conversation.)

At first, I tried to make my points in a passive-aggressive way, with sarcasm and mocking.   Not surprisingly, that resulted in the other person getting defensive, and doubling-down on their hate speech.  So I stepped up my game to equal their verbal aggression, making much more salient and intellectual points.

But of course, that’s where the ‘conversation’ went off the rails and crashed into an awkward silence, because you can’t argue with another person who is unable to recognize – much less agree with – demonstrable facts.  I knew we’d reached that point when the other person claimed Fox News was actually anti-Trump.  Good god, not even Fox News or Trump agrees with that.

So what was the outcome of this family strife?  I simply declared victory by ignoring the other person.  It was a great moment for rational minds.  #Winning!

When Being Close Counts

I attended another Iowa State Fair this year.  It’s only a small exaggeration to say every time I go, my dozen or so hours there are segmented into roughly 30 minutes each, during which I visit the same exhibits and venues that I do every year.

However, I do try to take in something different every year (besides new fair food).  Last year, it was arm wrestling.

This year’s new thing was spending about an hour watching horseshoe pitching.  Not just any horseshoe pitching, mind you, but the Iowa State Fair Women’s Horseshoe Pitching Championship.

After acquainting myself with the scoring (3 points for a ringer, 1 point for being within six inches – you’ve heard the phrase about close only counting in horseshoes, right?), I settled in to watch a few simultaneous matches.  And then it hit me.

Horseshoes is the more rudimentary ancestor to today’s popular ‘bags’ game that so many can be found playing at picnics, or tailgating events.  Other people probably figured that out a long time ago, but only now did I gain enough insight to make the connection.

You stand about equally as far away from the target.  You throw two shoes (bags), and the other person throws two, with more points for shoes around the ringer (bags in the hole).  Missing the target, but still being close, may get you points.  Winner is the first to a certain number of points.

The only real difference in the two games, other than the horseshoe pit being dirtier, is that horseshoe pitchers are better athletes.  I’m serious.  It takes almost no effort to toss a lightweight beanbag, but it takes a measure of strength and effort to toss metal horseshoes for a while.  It’s more like bowling, in that regard.

Except close doesn’t count in bowling.

RAGBRAI - 2017 Edition

I came out of my self-imposed retirement from the Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa (RAGBRAI) again this year.  (Last time!?)  In the first two days, it went through both my hometown and my spouse's hometown in NW Iowa, so I had to ride those.  Here are this year's observations:

* While the overnight towns seem to have plenty of portable toilets for the 20,000 or so visiting cyclists, the pass-through (no pun intended) towns didn't have one-tenth the amount they really needed.  I mean, when you have 20,000 extra people in your little town, even if it's only for an hour or two, you should have more than 20 (one-tenth of one percent) portable toilets.  What the hell RAGBRAI, didn't you warn them this year?  Maybe it's a sign of me getting older, but I've never had to rely on cornfields so much before.

* I found a non-profit stand selling pineapple pie!  But they were sold out -- at 8:30 in the morning!  Overall, however, I felt there was more pie available this year than on any RAGBRAI in recent memory.  Full disclosure: I had three slices of apple.

* For the third time in my RAGBRAI journeys, I rode the century (100 mile) loop that was optional this year on day two.  Each time was an accomplishment, but each time came with the same downside: You don't have as much fun on the ride.  Not only do you have an extra 30 miles or so to power through, but there aren't any good vendor or farmyard stops available during that time.  You don't stop as often, and when you do, you don't stop for as long.

* Best stop this year was a dill pickle stand that also happened to have people protesting against NW Iowa congressman and WOITH, Steve King.  I ended up wearing a sticker the rest of the day that said, "Dear America, Sorry About Steve King. Sincerely, Iowa."  Got great comments on it throughout the day, too.

* Demographically speaking, while RAGBRAI clearly has more men on it than women, I thought there were more women than in the past.  Also, there were many, many more overweight riders than I can remember -- no way some of them were riding the entire week, if the entire day.  At the same time, the median age of all riders continues to climb.

* Still not enough service for cell phones!  Getting a data connection was harder than ever, and impossible where cyclists were aggregated.  This is 2017, people, it shouldn't be this difficult.

* Best jersey I saw this year was on the back of a t-shirt:  Beer....the reason I get up every afternoon!

Golf Outing Etiquette

This week I played in a 4-person scramble golf outing.  I only do this 2-3 times a summer, usually for charity.  Some outings are have more perks, some are more organized than others, some use nicer golf courses, some have better food – it runs the gamut, and I’m typically satisfied that my time is well spent.

Unfortunately, this week’s outing had one big downside – I had a dipshit playing in our group.  He wasn’t unfriendly; he simply had no self-awareness, no clue about golf, nor any clue about golf etiquette.

There are almost too many examples of his dipshit-ness, but it ranged from running out of golf balls early in the round, to playing half of the round in bare feet.  And this may go without saying, but he was a terrible, terrible golfer.

None of that would have mattered if he’d been the least bit self-deprecating.  I’ve played with plenty of terrible golfers in my day, but it’s still been enjoyable.  Most just try to make the best of it, chat you up, limit their embarrassment, and play quickly.  Not this guy.

Even though he never hit the ball more than 100 yards all day (and most of those shots were chunks that went straight to the right or left), late in the round he was still asking about whether he should aim for that tree….the one, you know, 300 yards in the distance.

The bottom line on this is, if you only play golf once or twice a year, you should not be playing in a golf outing.  But if you are absolutely obligated to play, here are the rules you must follow:

• Lower the group’s expectations when introduced to them.  Just acknowledge you don’t golf much.  Any decent golfer can tell how good you are by just watching a few of your swings, and/or by the equipment you’re using.  (In other words, we know by the second hole how painful this will be for everyone.)

• Be friendly and jovial.

• Know golf etiquette.  This includes what you wear (collared shirt and shoes are a must), and what you do on the course.  You can read up about this etiquette thing, you don’t even have to be a golfer.

• Don’t make excuses all day.  

• Play first and play fast.  If you suck at golf, get your shot out of the way and step aside.  Who knows, you might actually hit a putt that others in the group can use as a read to make their own.

Above all remember that you can just politely decline if invited to a golf outing.  Or make up an excuse for being unable to attend, whatever it takes.  Do it for yourself, and every other golfer.