No More F**** To Give About T****

Over the years, I've made fun of people who consistently make, and make public, their New Year's resolutions.  I've probably even made fun of them in some previous blog post.  I'm all for improvement via positive self-talk, but the vast majority of these resolutions are forgotten within a couple of months, even though the initial self-affirmations remain on social media accounts forever.

That said, this year I'm going to join the crowd, and publicize my own resolution.  It's very simple: I'm not going to remain silent or try to change / avoid the subject the next time I hear anyone, speaking to me in person or in a group, tries to defend the worst, narcissistic, racist, xenophobic, homophobic, misogynistic, grifting, criminal, fascist president in U.S. history, Donald T****.

In retrospect, it's a shame I put so much effort into not confronting people on that topic before now.  It seemed like such a waste of time and energy, trying to use truth and facts to explain something to the unwilling and unknowing.  Changing the subject was a more rational approach than trying to change a mind warped by far right-wing media platforms, which supported / support  T**** and the republican party (small caps on purpose) at all costs.

It was also a function of my professional life, to try to maintain neutrality.  I have clients from all walks of life, although they are overwhelmingly white Iowans.  It sort of reminds me of the famous Michael Jordan quote from a simpler time, when he was asked why he didn't use his platform for social change.  "Republicans buy shoes, too," was his reply.

During the Black Lives Matter protests of last summer, it started to dawn on me that silence wasn't the correct option.  That's the 'white privilege' way of doing things.  Silence can be taken as complicity.

So coming into this year, I decided I wasn't going down that path anymore.  After last week's crazed insurrection movement that killed people at the U.S. Capitol on 1/6/2021, I have extra motivation to not be silent when others are saying and doing ignorant, deranged things.  Put less politely, I don't have anymore fucks to give about those people.

I'm not going out on a limb by putting this in writing on my little unknown blog.  But if anyone reads it and disagrees, or anyone is offended by my verbal pushback someday, I'm ready to move on without them as clients or friends.

I decided long ago I'd reached the point where I really only want to be around people who improve me personally and professionally.  T****-lickers don't do that, and after last week, it's embarrassing to even be around them.

BLM v COVID

Amidst the chaos created by the COVID-19 pandemic and America’s failed federal response to it, we’ve had another major, culture-shifting series of events that has changed how the nation deals with issues of race.  I’ll reference to it as the Black Lives Matter (BLM) movement.

BLM has been around for years, in response to over-aggressive and often fatal police interactions with black men and women.  More recently, a series of these avoidable, deadly interactions has been captured on video by either security cameras or individuals, the most notable being the murder of George Floyd in Minneapolis.

The BLM movement is now everywhere, manifested in large protests across the country.  White people are now beginning to understand the systemic, often unseen and unrecognized racism that pervades in the U.S.  There’s been a renewed effort to eliminate not only the racism, but the symbols of it, including things like the confederate flag and confederate statues.

Of course, ‘fixing’ 300 years of systemic racism isn’t going to happen overnight.  There’s still BLM resistance from the overt and covert white supremacy folks, and from the president, although saying that is redundant.  The current federal government, along with some states, would still much prefer to maintain the status quo privileges of the white Christian male.

What's equally infuriating about it is the simpleton argument from the opposition that 'all lives matter' as if that negates the BLM cause.  Here's the best analogy I've seen to counter this:  If your house is on fire, should the fire department come and pour water on all the houses on your street?  Because all houses matter, right?  Of course all houses matter, but the one to focus on is the one that's on fire.  How hard is this for people to understand? 

Private businesses will have to lead on this for now, as individuals are drawn to those showing more action, especially with their dollars.  Following the money – it’s the American Way.

When we look back on 2020, we’ll primarily consider the pandemic and how it changed society.  However, the longer lasting impact of 2020 will be how the BLM changed the way people view racism.

Two Things At Once

If I had to wager on it, I would have bet a lot on something related to the COVID-19 pandemic as the top story on non-conspiracy news outlets for many more weeks / months.  Only some huge natural disaster or mass killing event could possibly keep that from happening.

It's a bet I would have quickly lost.

All it took was a video of a bad Minneapolis cop slowly killing an already-detained black man by choking off his airway.  Now we have protests and quasi-riots across America, bringing attention to both overt and covert criminal racial discrimination that still exists after 250 years.  (This is made even worse by having a mentally-ill U.S. president stirring the pot with his own versions of racism and divisive rhetoric.  Apparently, calling a pandemic a hoax for weeks hasn't killed enough people already.)

As has been the norm over the past few years, people are turning this into a combative, binary decision.  That is, you either support the Black Lives Matter movement, or you support the police.  This is incredibly stupid, because both things are possible!

Human beings can support two things (even more!) at the same time, even when those things seem to be opposites.  Here, we have to support persons or color in their quest to be treated equally under the law, while at the same time supporting appropriate enforcement of those laws.

We're doing it now in an even larger way, as we battle a once in a lifetime pandemic with differing views on how that should be done.  For example, it's OK to support wearing a mask and still support opening the economy.

But again, some want to frame all national decisions as a binary, political win/lose.  It's dumb and counterproductive to look at everything through such a political lens.  Unfortunately, that's what our current, leadership-less executive branch has been perpetuating,

Since we have a leadership void at the federal level, the only way to peacefully accomplish any of our collective goals is from the bottom-up.  People must ignore the extremists, be responsible for taking care of others, and remember to vote out the unqualified, arrogant, complicit, idiots who've been in charge for the past few years.

Winning The Family Feud

It’s long been an axiom that family and politics don’t mix.  This has never been more true than in the past year, with the unexpected election of a polarizing president – and that’s saying the absolute best thing I can about what happened / what’s happening in America.

Even amongst families, there seems to be no bridging the current ideological divide that has been forged by Fox News, Trump, and the Republican Party.  It’s crazy, because none of those aforementioned things even mattered to the general public until recently.

Since the last national election, I’ve been at a few gatherings of immediate family members.  When social and/or political matters have inevitably come up in conversation, I’ve been very good about quickly changing the subject.  (My favorite line is, ‘So who do you think is going to win the [name sports division here]?”)  Changing the subject is better than silence, lest someone mistake that silence as a tacit agreement about anything being said.

I suppose it was just a matter of time, however, before I heard one of my relatives say something racist or homophobic or xenophobic or misogynistic to the point I could no longer bite my tongue. That happened last week.

So I spoke back at them, trying to expose their beliefs as unacceptable in today’s society, and definitely unacceptable in present company.  (By ‘present company’ I refer to me, but there were several other family members in the room, none of whom were willing or able to engage in a sociopolitical conversation.)

At first, I tried to make my points in a passive-aggressive way, with sarcasm and mocking.   Not surprisingly, that resulted in the other person getting defensive, and doubling-down on their hate speech.  So I stepped up my game to equal their verbal aggression, making much more salient and intellectual points.

But of course, that’s where the ‘conversation’ went off the rails and crashed into an awkward silence, because you can’t argue with another person who is unable to recognize – much less agree with – demonstrable facts.  I knew we’d reached that point when the other person claimed Fox News was actually anti-Trump.  Good god, not even Fox News or Trump agrees with that.

So what was the outcome of this family strife?  I simply declared victory by ignoring the other person.  It was a great moment for rational minds.  #Winning!

White Privilege

The events of the past two weeks -- where grand juries refused to indict on-duty white police officers in Ferguson, MO and Staten Island, NY who controversially killed black men, and the sometimes riotous protests that followed -- have re-confirmed some things that too many Americans still don't understand after all these years:

1) White privilege exists.  No matter how you slice it, if you factor out race, there would have at least been indictments in these cases.  The NY case is absolutely crazy, considering the irrefutable video evidence of what happened, and secrecy of the grand jury.  Ask yourself who's more likely to be stopped for speeding -- is it a dumb white guy in a minority neighborhood, or an intelligent minority in a white neighborhood?

2) Wealth privilege exists.  This is more recognized by society, but regardless, you can replace the word 'race' in the paragraph above with 'socioeconomic background' and it still works.  If the victims were white but poor, nothing changes.

3) Property destruction / rioting in the wake of the non-indictments is terribly foolish, adds to people's lack of understanding of white privilege.  People see this disproportionate and wrongful reaction, and get angry about that instead of the underlying problem -- that minorities poor don't believe they are treated fairly by law enforcement, nor by the judicial system.

4) Criminal actions have consequences.  The punishment (death) doesn't comes close to matching the crime, but both of the victims were or had been doing something illegal.  They drew attention to themselves, then resisted arrest.  They didn't get what they deserved, which at least in the NY case also appeared to be criminal, but they got what they got.

5) There's still a lot of latent racism in America.  If you haven't noticed this during the Obama presidency, then you probably won't notice it now, but let's be real -- how many white people do you know who are openly critical of the rioting in the MO case, but don't know any of the facts surrounding the case?  And aren't those same people also being a little quiet about the NY case?

I rest my case.

Again Not Thankful

Here's the 6th annual edition of my Thanksgiving-time list of things for which I am not thankful. You can get to the trail of prior lists here or by using the label Thanksgiving.

As with prior years, this list is in no particular order:

Both a) rioters who disguise themselves as protesters, and b) white privilege.

'Follow the leader' gutless politicians.

Complicated wireless phone plans, and those entities which provide them.

Extreme winter weather in November.  (Basically, a repeat of 2013)

Enabling helicopter parents.

States like Iowa that can't even muster a conversation about medical marijuana legalization, while other states are already legalizing marijuana for recreational usage.

Those who proudly display their debt.

Really big butts, and the pop culture that currently glorifies them.

Social media trolls.

People who want you to think they care, but who really just want your attention.  (This would include anyone who did the ALS ice bucket challenge this year without actually donating money.)

The Benevolent Idiot

As soon as I heard about celebrity chef Paula Deen being exposed for using the n-word, I figured it was just another case of the electronic media catching a celebrity showing their true self.  Maybe another case of someone stupidly blurting out their inner monologue.  Maybe another case of someone deservedly losing their reputation and money.

Then the facts got in the way.  It wasn't a gotcha moment.  It wasn't even a dishonest moment.  It was someone under oath who admitted saying something truly ignorant years ago - ignorant meaning they really didn't know any better.

When it comes to Paula Deen, or anyone who's ever used the n-word, people need to factor in the era it which it was uttered and at least try to separate what's intolerant racism from what's ignorant racism.  Both are unacceptable, but to different degrees.  The intolerant racist is a malevolent hater, while the ignorant racist is a benevolent idiot.  Don't tell me they're the same.

We all want to be politically correct and say there's no defending what Paula Deen admittedly said many years ago.  But of course, everybody knows it's somewhat defend-able if you factor in what America was like up through the 1960s.  It's a cold hard truth that most 60+ year-olds today, across the socioeconomic and political spectrum, used the n-word back then.  They are not the problem; the problem is those who never got over using it.

So here we go again with another silly societal litmus test.  Am I and the rest of society to shun everyone who ever said the n-word?  We'd be excluding a helluva lot of people, including family.  Maybe instead we should be just be shunning those who haven't changed.  Or perhaps we should just shun any litmus tests that compare one era with another.

I don't know if Paula Deen is a racist, nor does anyone else.  I do know that like most people of her age and background, she was once a benevolent idiot about race.  Ignorance is no excuse, but let's keep the moral outrage at its appropriate level.