Dear Graduating Class of 2023

Welcome to this year's high school and college commencement address, an annual tradition since 2012.

Congratulations, Class of 2023!  You've reached the summit -- at least in terms of a simple and carefree life.  Now you have to go out there and fix things, er, I mean, change the world, and no amount of bingeing on food, beverages, or social media will accomplish that for you.

Let's face it, a lot of things need to be fixed / changed, so you have many choices.  I have one in mind today, something that requires no manual labor, so I consider it an excellent choice for you in which to ease into adult life....

There are fewer things more trite than to make a point by starting with the words, "The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines such-and-such as...."  But since it serves my needs I'm going to do it.  The word 'woke' is defined in that dictionary as “aware of and actively attentive to important facts and issues (especially issues of racial and social justice).”  That dictionary also defines 'woke' as 'not sleeping', but let's explore that former definition for now.

A little more research will tell you the word 'woke' originated in African-American English in the 1940s and 50s, referring to being aware of instances where discrimination was happening, either covertly or overtly in the form of Jim Crow laws.  The word 'woke' was put back on the radar around 2014 as part of the Black Lives Matter movement.

But in less than a decade, political conservatives have turned 'woke' into a slang word, applying it to show disdain for anyone or anything opposing their views.  Their favorite targets these days include tried-and-true things like gun restrictions and climate change, but most recently have been focused on the LGBTQ+ community.  If a person or company shows support for them, they may well be ridiculed by being labeled 'woke'.

My fix / change for you is, go out into the world and embrace your woke-ness!  Now don't be offended.  I just gave you the actual definition -- it means you are aware of important facts and issues.  Why the hell did you spell all of that time in school if not to be aware of facts and issues?  I mean besides the parties.....

Being woke will be easy for you, too, it won't take much effort.  All you have to do is get your information from a wide variety of sources, right, left, and center, and make up your own mind.  Read. Listen. Watch.

Another way to put this is, under no circumstances should you let somebody else tell you what to be pissed about.  Others want you angry because that generates engagement which, thanks to the mighty social media algorithm, manifests itself in monetary revenue to those who espouse it.  Ignore them, and decide for yourself if you want to be pissed about something!

And while you're at it, you should make it a stretch goal to reclaim the word 'woke' as a non-pejorative.  It's bizarre that the far right has co-opted this word from black America to show contempt for other opinions.  Do they feel it would be better to be asleep instead of alert to the things happening around you?  Maybe you aren't the best audience to answer that question, since as students I know the value you put on sleep -- but you damn well know what I mean.

To recap for you graduates in a more understandable, abbreviated way:  Woke = good; extreme political views = bad; informed opinions = good; social media algorithms = bad; sleep = good at night and bad other times.

So to the Class of 2023.....WAKE UP and get out there.

The Real Killers

The United States of America just suffered another mass shooting of elementary school children, this time in Texas.   I wrote about the last one(!) in 2012, and I basically predicted this one a week later.

If it isn’t already obvious, nothing has changed in the last 10 years.  I take that back, something has changed – it’s even easier now to buy guns, especially assault-style weapons. 

The gutless politicians governing our gun-crazy culture love their power too much to do anything about mass shootings.  These Republicans – and let's call a spade a spade, that’s who they are – accept millions of dollars from the gun lobby to retain their legislative ‘jobs’ in return for making it easy in this country to buy plentiful guns and ammunition.

These pathetic grifters love money and power more than the safety of the citizenry.  As cover, they try to blame mass shootings on everything else but guns.  Then after some time goes by, they try to water down our gun laws even more, as directed by their gun-lobby (Read: NRA) overlords.

It's hard to think how much less safer our gun laws can be when an 18 year-old in Texas can buy assault weapons without a comprehensive background check or waiting period.  How hard is it to correlate that with the fact the United States is the only nation in the world where mass shootings regularly happen?

In a way, the gun lobby has had it right all along.  Guns don't kill people, people kill people -- especially if they're a politician with an R behind their name.

2016

It's once again time to review my 2015 list of things I'd like to see happen, and lay out my hopes for 2016.  Here's the 2015 list, with new notes in ALL CAPS:

-Less glorification of big butts.
I'M DECLARING VICTORY ON THIS, BECAUSE IT MOVED FROM A 9 TO AN 8 ON A SCALE OF 1-10.

-A Final Four for Iowa State men's basketball, and an NCAA tournament berth for both Iowa and Northern Iowa men's basketball.
OH, SO CLOSE.  THAT IS, IF YOU CAN CALL ISU LOSING IN THEIR FIRST NCAA TOURNAMENT GAME AS A 3 SEED 'CLOSE'

-More action, less inaction by the U.S. Congress.
A PERPETUALLY WASTED HOPE.

-Stephen Colbert dominating late night television, with Conan and Fallon and Stewart right behind.
OTHER THAN JON STEWART RETIRING, I FEEL THIS IS STARTING TO HAPPEN.

-Common use of Apple Pay.
NOT AS COMMON YET AS IT SHOULD BE.

-Might as well go for it again -- at least medicinal marijuana legalization in Iowa.
C'MON, MAN! PROGRESS IN SOME OTHER STATES, BUT NOT IN IOWA.

-A vaccine against Ebola.
DID NOT HAPPEN, STILL WORKING ON IT.

-A week-long vacation for me.
DID NOT HAPPEN, STILL WORKING ON IT.

For 2016 I'd like to see:

At least some progress, not regress, on medicinal marijuana legalization in Iowa.

Chris Christie versus Hillary Clinton for president, with ? winning.

A higher stock market.

Just one actual, even very minor piece of legislation to make it slightly more difficult to buy a gun.

The personal, financial, and political implosion of Donald Trump.

A way to charge devices without a wire.

An à la carte option for cable and satellite TV channels.

More time for eating right, less time for exercise.

More April Fools

It's April Fools' Day again today, another chance to expand on last year's list of facts that should be followed by the phrase, "April Fools!" if only they weren't true:

* The state of Indiana thought it could allow businesses to discriminate against gays without anyone noticing.

* Stories about suffering pets commonly air before stories about suffering people on broadcast news.

* Ted Cruz thinks he is a viable presidential candidate.

* You can stockpile and use guns and alcohol, but will be thrown in jail for owning an ounce of cannabis.

* The NCAA makes billions of dollars annually on the backs of its institutions' revenue-producing athletes, but opposes sharing any of that revenue with those athletes.

* Farm Bureau believes farmers will sufficiently police themselves to keep ground water clean.

* Most people base their current moral beliefs on undocumented, male-only writings from thousands of years ago.

My Police State

Last week, our little neck of the woods got a bit of national attention for the way law enforcement handled a home raid.  To very briefly summarize, a suburban police force sent in multiple officers in SWAT gear to execute a search warrant at a house in a credit card theft and fraud case.

The homeowner and his do-gooder national blogger sympathizers questioned the heavy-handedness of the raid, including using a battering ram to open the door.  The police chief countered that the homeowner was a registered gun owner, and that they used the information they had to make a decision.

You'd think the libertarian side of me would agree this was too much police force.  You'd think wrong.  Let's recap the what happened and the outcome:

* The homeowner admitted he had a 9mm gun that he drew but then re-holstered when he heard it was the police.  And he was in the bathroom when he did this.  Carries his gun everywhere, I guess.

* This suburban home had surveillance cameras outside and inside the house - what suburban Iowa home does that?  Isn't that a bit of a tell that the homeowner has something to hide?  The police chief noted that they disabled or covered up the cameras as standard procedure, so others could not monitor approaching officers.

* There were three other unrelated people in the house, along with the homeowner's mother, who's probably really the actual homeowner.  Two of them were arrested on unrelated warrants, and time will tell if they were involved with or know who was involved in the credit card theft and fraud.

So to recap, not only was there potential criminal activity in the house, and at least one loaded weapon, there were also actual criminals.  But somehow, the story is all about the manner in which the police chose to protect themselves.

We don't have a police state in Iowa (or the U.S.), and bloggers or media-types who use examples like this to say otherwise should give it a rest.

Words Now That There Are Words

Now that we've had a week to absorb the mass murder of children and teachers at a Connecticut grade elementary school, as well as a week to listen to the pundits and politicians, let's just agree on one thing:

It will probably happen again.

Regardless of all of the talk about doing more in the area of mental health, it's almost certain that America won't do anything.  It isn't even a priority in a good economy; it surely won't be one now.  Short of imprisoning everyone currently on a mind-altering prescription drug, what could be done to absolutely ensure someone won't do something crazy?

Regardless of all of the talk about gun control and banning assault weapons, it's almost certain that America will stay the same.  Did you happen to see the NRA presser today, where they called for an armed guard at every school, which they would help train free of charge?!  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you another sign of the apocalypse, ironically on the same day many Mayan-worshipers predicted!

Regardless of all of the talk about how we'll never forget this, it's almost certain that America will slowly file this into the recesses of our collective minds, along with all of the other senseless mass killings by mentally unstable people.  We eventually will go days, then weeks, then months without thinking about it.  That's how human beings roll, excepting those directly affected.

My wife is a teacher, and despite all of the safeguards in place, a person would have no difficulty obtaining access inside the school.  Even if the system was foolproof, the windows would have to be bulletproof, so crazies like the Connecticut killer couldn't just shoot them out and enter that way.

Let's get real - the loss of freedoms to which Americans would have to agree, in order to absolutely prevent further school shootings, is something our dysfunctional, polarized culture is not willing to accept.  And if we aren't willing or able to do something while this multiple-child killing is on our collective consciousness, we aren't ever going to do it.

So, another school shooting is bound to happen again.  Not sure when, but it will, and that's the brutal reality for those with children, and for those who teach them.