The Anti-Thanks

We're acknowledging a life-changing milestone today.  No, not the 60th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination, or the 60th anniversary of my conception (if I do the math backwards nine months from my birthday).  It's the 15th consecutive year (14th anniversary of the beginning) of my annual list of things for which I am not currently thankful;

The non-tech, political opinions of tech executives

Airline travelers flying with non-service pets

So-called Freedom Caucus members of the U.S. Congress

Potholes

Vendors who still don't accept Apple Pay

Porch pirates

Convenience store pizza

Reality talent shows on broadcast or streaming TV

People who don't pick up after themselves

Cats

Major college super-conferences

The Charles Schwab investment advisory platform. (professional item)

Small Pets And Large People

I'm not a frequent flyer, but over the past few years I've flown enough on passenger jets that I feel qualified to complain.  Not about the airlines, but on other airline passengers.

There are two main, aggravating issues:

Why are small, non-service animals allowed on planes?  When did this even become a thing?  It's crazy that pets should occupy any space on a commercial airliner, even inside a carry-on case. Non-service pets shouldn't be allowed in the airport, much less on an actual plane with other passengers.

If you have a pet, and have to travel, then do what responsible pet owners do -- kennel it or leave it at home with someone else to watch it.  If animals could talk, they'd agree with me and say they don't want fly anyway.

But even worse than pets are.....how should I say this.....obese people.  There are few things worse on a plane than sitting next to someone so fat their body encroaches on your own seating area.  You pay for your own space, but end up only getting part of it, while the weight-challenged person gets their own space plus some of yours.

Apparently, airlines do have obesity policies wherein large passengers are supposed to buy tickets for two seats.  This is a rarely enforced subjective rule, however, because I've never been on a plane when this happened, yet there's never been a plane I've been on that didn't have obese passengers.

Sorry, pets.  Sorry, obese people.  Commercial jets aren't for you, without restrictions.

More April Fools

It's April Fools' Day again today, another chance to expand on last year's list of facts that should be followed by the phrase, "April Fools!" if only they weren't true:

* The state of Indiana thought it could allow businesses to discriminate against gays without anyone noticing.

* Stories about suffering pets commonly air before stories about suffering people on broadcast news.

* Ted Cruz thinks he is a viable presidential candidate.

* You can stockpile and use guns and alcohol, but will be thrown in jail for owning an ounce of cannabis.

* The NCAA makes billions of dollars annually on the backs of its institutions' revenue-producing athletes, but opposes sharing any of that revenue with those athletes.

* Farm Bureau believes farmers will sufficiently police themselves to keep ground water clean.

* Most people base their current moral beliefs on undocumented, male-only writings from thousands of years ago.

Maintenance Required

This week I tweeted about how fed up I am with dog owners who never walk their dogs, and instead let them just pee and dump in their front or back yards.  (The one good thing about this is, at least they aren't doing their business in MY yard.)  Even though I've mentioned this issue on a prior occasion, I've decided I need to expand on this mini-rant.

If you buy a pet, and specifically here I will refer to a dog, you are going ALL IN.  That means there will be a lot more to do than just have the dog sit in your lap or play with your kids on the lawn.  It means you need to keep them fed, and healthy, and sheltered.  And yes, you need to walk them probably twice a day.

You're an idiot if you buy your kids a dog and just expect them to take care of this.  Ain't gonna happen.  Oh sure, it'll work for a few weeks or maybe months, but eventually the kids realize it's a chore and give up on it. That means the primary dog-walker is going to be the adult(s) in the house, unless you hire it out.

If you aren't willing to walk your dog in the elements on a daily basis (even factoring in a few days when it simply isn't possible), then don't buy a dog, dummy.  Find another form of companionship --  it will be better for both you and the dog.

And while I'm at it, I'm going to throw in the same sort of logic for residential homeowner lawns.  If you aren't going to take care of your lawn, please don't buy a house with a lawn.  Or hire someone else to take care of it for you.

This is especially true if you live in my neighborhood, effectively de-valuing my property by your lack of attention to yard work.  At least I have the ability to contact the weed commissioner about you, which I've been known to do for repeat offenders.

In summary, don't buy things that require regular maintenance, and then refuse to maintain them.

People > Pets

I grew up on a farm where we had a dog, and I loved that dog.  (We also had a bunch of cats, but I couldn't have cared less about those cats.)  Under the right circumstances, I could see owning a dog one day, but I've never had a pet as an adult.  Too much hassle and expense to have one in the city.

In summary, I certainly do not hate pets.  I do, however, hate pet-owners who can't follow the etiquette of being a pet-owner.  I've lived in a house on a corner lot for a long time, meaning there's a lot of sidewalk and parking, and the number of times I've had animal waste in my yard is sickening.  (Actually, the sickening part is having to clean it up.)

That's not really the worst of it.  There's always the neighbors who got a dog a long time ago, and also a long time ago decided they were too lazy to actually take their pet for a walk.  So they just let Fido out to do his/her business on their lawn.  This is especially true in the winter, but in any season, their lawn literally looks like crap, and it doesn't exactly raise property values.

But even that isn't really the worst of it.  The worst of it is pet-lovers who want to convince you - and themselves - that a pet is equivalent to a child.  Not just their pet, mind you, but any pet.  How else do you explain our local TV stations leading off the late news with a story about a pet, as opposed to the joy and/or suffering of actual human beings?

I've written about this before, but it seems it's time for a reminder.  This week a local TV station had a pet as its top story - in front of a story about a local policeman who had been killed.  This happens here a lot of weeks.

Nothing wrong with having a pet.  But take care of it, and remember: A dog is a dog, a cat is a cat, and a pet is not a human being.  Get a clue.

Pet Lover Hater

I do not own a pet. This does not mean I do not like pets; I could see owning a faithful dog one day. But I'm not really a pet lover.

Moreso, I'm not a pet lover lover. I have a long list of gripes with people who act like their pets are human. I'm not just talking about the owners that let their pet crap on the grass and not pick it up. I'm talking about the owners that dress their pets in cutesy outfits, feed them with designer food, buy insurance on them, and take them along wherever they go. That's a little weird, and a little pathetic.

Excessive pet love has infiltrated the media, too. This past week the top story on two local TV stations was about a sheriff's deputy who shot and killed a neighbor's dog after allegedly being threated by it. Who knows what the truth was, but WHO CARES, a pet story should never be the top story on TV news! And that happens fairly often. If there aren't any better stories about human joy or suffering in central Iowa or the nation to report on that day, then just go with a half-hour of weather.

It also kills me how many people literally compare taking care of their pets as being similar to taking care of children. Really? Do they feed and diaper their pets as babies? Do they kennel their children when they're gone? Do they educate - I didn't say 'train' - them? Gimme a break. Show me someone who makes that comparison and I'll show you someone who's never had kids. Or is out of their freaking mind.

Look, pets can be great companions, givers of unconditional love even. I'm down with that. But in addition to controlling the pet population, let's start controlling the pet lover population.