These People Are Not Well

It's past time to add a few new members to my list of people who are Whacked Out In The Head (WOITH).

I haven't even mentioned this acronym for over six months, the last time when I was handicapping the field of Republican presidential nominees.

Based on her campaign after I wrote that, I'm elevating Michele Bachmann to full WOITH status.  Just like WOITH members Steve King and Bob Vander Plaats, if you pulled back her skin I'm pretty certain there's an alien creature underneath.

I'm at least going to add a politician to the WOITH list while I'm on the topic. Hmmm, so many to choose from...Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell is certainly deserving, but it has to be...my own State Senator, Brad Zaun.  Not only has he never met a social conservative issue he didn't like, but he also took on the duty of campaign manager for Bachmann when fellow WOITH member Kent Sorenson quit.  It couldn't be more perfectly symmetrical than that.

To save time, I'm just going to list my new WOITH members with no explanation.  If you don't know why they belong, I suggest you Google them:

Charlie Sheen (obvious and belated omission until now)

Jerry Sandusky

Anyone with a reality show on MTV

The entire Kardashian family

And as an honorary member, I also want to include the guy down my street who put a $60,000 house on a $30,000 lot.

Bobby's Pledge (Part II)

Based on a segment in last night's show, I can only conclude that Stephen Colbert must be reading my blog.

http://caucuses.desmoinesregister.com/2011/07/13/stephen-colbert-weighs-in-on-iowa-marriage-pledge/

Bobby's Pledge

A quick update for you on WOITH member Bob Vander Plaats, who now calls himself the chief executive officer of something called the Family Leader.

Bobby's latest venture is to ask all presidential candidates to sign a pledge to affirm support of personal fidelity to his or her spouse, oppose any redefinition of marriage, and appoint “faithful constitutionalists” as judges, (as opposed to unfaithful constitutionalists, I presume). This so-called Marriage Pledge will be a requirement for future endorsement by the Family Leader. You know, because as the Family Leader goes, so goes America.

Michele Bachmann immediately signed the pledge, solidifying her position as an incredible social conservative suck-up in Tea Party clothing. (May be redundant to say that.) Or, she may also be compensating for something else, there's really no way of knowing.

It's important to point out that this pledge only covers FUTURE events. So if you cheated on your spouse in the past, it's OK to sign the pledge. Newt Gingrich must be sooooo relieved.

It's also worth noting that Bobby is asking for a pledge of allegiance to him and his organization, not to God. So, we now can officially confirm it - he thinks he's God.

How To Become A National Joke

As a regular viewer and Twitter follower of The Colbert Report, I see some of the best political satire there is to offer. Colbert and his writers regularly ridicule the self-importance of others in a genius way.

Nothing has been better than this week when Colbert took on Tyson Zone member Bob Vander Plaats. I saw this when it originally aired - it doesn't hurt that it starts with a few digs at Tea-Party goofball Michele Bachmann:

http://www.colbertnation.com/the-colbert-report-videos/381487/april-12-2011/threat-level--rainbow

Congrats, Bob. You have now officially been upgraded from local joke to national joke.

Whacked Out In The Head

In a couple of prior posts, I've gone over something called the Tyson Zone, popularized by writer Bill Simmons of ESPN. I've noted a couple of local politicians who ought to be in the that club, and over time I'm sure there will be more.

However, I've decided I need my own name. to enshrine those, especially politicians, who aren't all there. For now, I will give these people the moniker of Whacked Out In The Head.

Along with Bob Vander Plaats and Steve King, my inital inductees to WOITH are 3 new Iowa legislators who apparently don't care about anything but social conservative issues, along with a speaker at a open legislative forum on gay marriage.

Let's start with the 3 Fox TV wannabes. Their names are Glen Massie, Kim Pearson, and Kent Sorenson. Each of them happen to be a Tea Party favorite with (coincidentally?) extreme right-wing views. Although freshmen legislators, they are, among other things, taking the lead in supporting legislation to impeach the remaining Iowa supreme court justices who were a part of the court's unanimous ruling that legalized gay marriage. (You'll recall that removing those judges, purely for this single political reason, has become the life goal of Bob Vander Plaats.)

Anyone and everyone in Iowa knows this impeachment idea is a non-starter. No crimes were committed. It doesn't even have the support of the majority of their Republican party brethern. It's a total waste of taxpayer time and money. But that hasn't stopped these three WOITHers. In the meantime, dealing with the fiscal restraint issues on which they were supposedly elected (isn't that the Tea Party mandate?) will have to wait. They make me embarassed for Iowa, a la Steve King, that they could be elected to political office by a supposedly intelligent electorate.

Now to our anonymous speaker, who spoke this week at an open legislative forum regarding putting a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage on the ballot. (Note: This is actually the only sensible approach to this issue - let Iowans decide how they want to govern themselves. That's how many other states handle social issues; the representative approach doesn't work. Let people, not politics, decide.) This female speaker, whom I've chosen not to name, warned of unintended consequences of same-sex marriage by saying, "How do we fend off bigamy, polygamy? What about people who want to marry computer generated images?"

Regardless of our differences about gay marriage, can we not all agree that this lady, and anyone else who believes that, is Whacked In The Head? (Contrast that comment with another speaker, which has gone viral on the internet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FSQQK2Vuf9Q

Please feel free to send your future nominees for the WOITH club to me. There is certainly no shortage of candidates.

A New Member Of The Tyson Zone

Today I'm naming a new political inductee into The Tyson Zone. (As a reminder, The Tyson Zone is named after former boxer Mike Tyson, and is the status an athlete or other celebrity reaches when his or her behavior becomes so outrageous that one would believe any story or anecdote about the person, no matter how shocking or bizarre. http://streffblog.blogspot.com/2010/07/politicians-in-tyson-zone.html)

It's social conservative and perpetual Iowa gubernatorial candidate Bob Vander Plaats. After another failed attempt this year at being nominated as the Republican candidate for governor, he is now leading a well-financed (by others outside Iowa) fight to remove 3 Iowa supreme court justices from the bench. Their sin? Being part of a ruling over a year ago that allowed gay marriage in Iowa.

I've said before I think it's up to the people of Iowa to decide this issue (http://streffblog.blogspot.com/2009/08/for-athiests-there-is-god-of-common.html),
but through legislative means, not this this way. Removing justices for a single and defensible, albeit controversial ruling is plain stupid.

However, simply trying to remove these justices isn't what gets Bob into the Tyson Zone. For that, you have to look at what he said this week in a debate on the issue, when he asserted the ruling opened the door to the possibility of polygamy, parents marrying their children, and other similar decisions.

Not sure if Bob really believes that, or if it's just more scare tactics from a bitter man. Regardless, after saying that, I don't see how there's anything more the guy can say or do that would surprise anyone. In short, social consevatives like Bob will say or do anything to get everybody to live in the same little box that they do, bordered only by their own idea of morality.

The truth is, regardless of how anyone feels about this ruling, Iowa's social climate and culture hasn't changed in the past 1+ year. Every once in a while, gay couples come here to get married, spend some money doing so, and then usually go back to their lives. It hasn't exactly become the Sodom or Gomorrah of the midwest, and on the plus side, at least we don't subsidize its economic impact with our taxes, like we do with ethanol.

Bob Vander Plaats, join your political soul mate Steve King in the Tyson Zone.

Politics And The Tyson Zone

One of my favorite sportswriters/columnists, hands down, is Bill Simmons "The Sports Guy" of ESPN. (P.S. You should follow him on Twitter @sportsguy33.) He writes entertaining, epic length columns full of pop culture references.

Over the years, Simmons has also coined a number of phrases for which he associates and ranks a group of people or things. For example, a recurring Simmons topic is the "13 Levels of Losing" where he defines and ranks the most painful ways for a sports team to lose, like the "Stomach Punch" (a game that ends with an opponent making an improbable and game-winning play).

One of Simmons' other themes is called "The Tyson Zone," and named in honor of boxer Mike Tyson. The Tyson Zone is the status an athlete or other celebrity reaches when his or her behavior becomes so outrageous that one would believe any story or anecdote about the person, no matter how shocking or bizarre.

I've been thinking about how The Tyson Zone applies to so many people now on the political landscape. There might be a waiting list at this point, given all of the strange extremist views coming from Tea Party activists (I'm looking at you, Sarah Palin) and media goofballs (I'm looking at you, everybody on Fox News). And yes, there are plenty of Democrats that belong in it, too.

But there is a special place reserved in The Tyson Zone for Iowa's own Congressman Steve King. Over the years his greatest hits include openly insensitive remarks disparaging minorities, homosexuals, immigrants, Muslims - basically anybody who doesn't look or think like him. Dude has already earned a lifetime membership in The Tyson Zone.

If Steve King is a member of The Tyson Zone, what about all of the people who keep voting to re-relect him? It doesn't say a lot for them. On the other hand, when Mike Tyson went berzerko, it didn't stop poeple from going to his fights, either. Maybe King's constituents have been hypnotized in the same way.

Regardless, I'm convinced if you peeled back Steve King's skin you'd find some primordal creature underneath. He is.....a Martian.....in The Tyson Zone.