A 2012 Candidate Guide

It's Election Day, circa 2011.  Not a whole lot to worry about nationally today, but a year from now - oh baby.

Now seems a good time for my independent (yes, there are still independents out there), Iowa-based analysis of the current serious (?) Republican candidates.  In no particular order:

Mitt Romney - Plasticman.  Backpedaling on his past in order to get the right-wing to nominate him.  He's probably going to get that nomination, and then start moving to the center again, while spending a bunch of time rationalizing how Romneycare is different than Obamacare.

Herman Cain - Doesn't really want to be president.  Just got in this thing for the attention and to sell his book, and didn't plan on the scrutiny. The only reason people are drawn to him is his 9-9-9 tax plan, which just proves in this economy, any idea, good or bad, is better than no idea at all.

Michele Bachmann - WOITH.  Less qualified to be president than Sarah Palin, by far, and that's no compliment.  In way over her head, but since she only talks to friendly crowds (and literally avoids those who might intellectually confront her - just Google 'bachmann grinnell college') she doesn't know it.

Ron Paul - The most independent, dare I say Liberitarian candidate, which makes him very likable.  Unfortunately, his ideas for swift and radical change would make things a lot worse before they could possible become better, and no one is going to vote for that.

Rick Santorum - Can't take his colorless form seriously, not to mention his last name.  (Google that, too.)

Rick Perry - Not ready for national prime-time politics, and maybe never will be.  Partly a victim of the Texas-governor-cowboy fatigue of the American public, and partly a victim of not understanding what is and isn't acceptable to blurt out when running a national campaign.

Jon Huntsman - Best of the bunch.  Moderate.  The only one who seems to understand the role of foreign policy in the U.S.  But his only hope is a John McCain-like, crazy come-from behind 3rd place or better in the Iowa caucuses, where he's not campaiging.  (Another reason to like him.)

Newt Gingrich - The Bill Clinton of the Republican Party.  Most intellectually ready to be president of the group, but also the most personally flawed - although Cain is giving him a run for his money.  Probably wishes he could have back some of what he said as Speaker of the House in the 90s.

Ladies and Gentlemen, your Republican candidates for president.  A year from now I suspect they will all just be part of New Jersey Governor Chris Christie's very large shadow.