Des Moines Halloween = Lame

Halloween and its costume-related activities were not a thing for me growing up. I don't recall Trick-or-Treating a single time as a child living on the farm. Isn't that sad? Not sure I've ever been to a single costume party in my life, either.

Then I had kids, and I started to have a little bit of fun with Halloween. For more years than I can remember now, on Trick-or Treat night I'll dress up like a combination of Michal Myers from the movie Halloween and Jason from the movie Friday the 13th, and give out candy on the porch while little kids get a little scared. This year, as every year, there are at least a couple of kids that don't want to come to the door when they see me, which is awesome.

Alas, it's not as fun as it once was. It isn't me, either. It's not as fun because Halloween in Des Moines is so lame these days.

First, Trick-or-Treat night here isn't even on Halloween, it's on October 30th. (Don't ask, I don't know, some goofy central Iowa tradition.) Next, the costumes have become a joke. Nobody makes them anymore, they just buy a mask or some other piece of pre-made store crap. This year I had a few kids that didn't even bother to wear a costume. WTF?! My wife made great costumes for my kids back in the day - what happened to everyone else?

Finally, here along with saying "Trick or treat" (which they often lamely don't even bother to do) the kids are expected to tell you a little joke or riddle. (Again, don't ask, another tradition.)  No one gives this much of an effort these days, either.

Not counting the 100 different "Why did the (something) cross the road?" jokes, here were the least lame ones:

Why was 6 scared of 7?
Because 7 8 9.

Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?
Because there was no 'body' to dance with.

What do you call a fat jack o'lantern?
Plumpkin.

What did one skeleton say to the other skeleton?
I have a bone to pick with you.

Where does a zombie live?
Dead End.

What did the ghost order at the bar?
'Boo'ze.

And a couple unrelated to Halloween:

What does a house wear?
A(d)dress.

How do you stop Lady Gaga?
Poker Face.

A final lame item: Every year there are kids too old to be Trick-or-Treating. If they want candy that much, they should go buy some. Of course, they invariably end up telling a more adult joke, like this one from this year: Why couldn't the jack o'lantern have children? Because of his halloweener.