Abusing Money

This week the NFL is in the midst of a full-blown scandal over its handling of the domestic violence charges against one of its star players.  Among the side issues is why the victim, engaged at the time, still married her assailant.  She is in fact still married to him, and supporting him.

My initial reaction was probably ignorant; I felt like money was the motivating factor.  This NFL player was making millions of dollars a year, why else would you stay?

However, a more holistic view of this revealed that it's not unusual for victims of abuse to handle things this way.  For a variety of reasons, many people in an abusive relationship will stay with their abuser.  The nation learned that in cases of domestic violence, we should not judge the victim.

Look, I don't know why she stayed with him.  Maybe she grew up in an abusive household and this seemed normal to her.  Maybe she was scared of him.  Maybe her family pressured her.  Maybe she wanted to keep her family together, since she already has a 2-year old child with the man.  Like I said, I don't know.

But there's a more than zero percent chance that maybe, just maybe, she stayed (stays) with him because he's a multi-millionaire, and by marrying him, she'll never have to work another day in her life.  Ignoring the role that money may have played in her decision is unreasonable.  Might it also have made her family encourage her to forgive and forget?

However, it's so politically incorrect for anyone right now to suggest that money was a factor, I haven't seen anyone even mention it.  Heck, I probably wouldn't mention it if I made my living off of writing or broadcasting about it, because you'd be suspended or fired.

That said, it's not insensitive to bring it up the role that money plays IN ANYTHING.  Money changes people.  Money makes people do dumb things, like making men think they can smack around their girlfriends.  And yes, money can be a reason some of those girlfriends stay.

It doesn't make it right -- actually, it makes it more wrong.  But let's at least agree that in this situation (obviously it isn't true in most domestic abuse), we can at least mention the money factor, for those of us not afraid of being judgmental.