Time for my annual advice to graduating seniors. I'm going to once again concentrate on college-level seniors, but to high school graduates I have this reminder: You haven't accomplished anything. According to the census bureau, nearly 90% of U.S. citizens over age 25 have a high school education. Congrats for not being the 1 out of 10, if it makes you feel better. You know those graduation parties your parents threw to celebrate? Those weren't actually for you, they were for your parents and other relatives, who survived your vain teenage years. Call me in five years and we can talk about your accomplishments, if any.
As for our college graduates, I've decided I may have been too hard on you the past couple of years. If you've got a bachelor's degree but no job or plans for independent living, you may not be entirely to blame. It's clear there is another culprit, and I'm not referring to the economy. It's your parents.
That's right, your parents are at least partially to blame for your troubles. The children of the so-called 'greatest generation' have become the greatest coddlers.
You'd think that after hearing about our own parents winning World War II, then partaking in a mechanical and transportation revolution that put hard work at a premium, we would teach that same toughness and work ethic to our kids. Instead, we've gone the other way. We've excused your (in)actions, and often allowed you too much slack during college, where many of you now don't even attempt to find a full-time job until after graduation.
And there's no pressure to find a job, because we parents will do you graduates an even greater disservice by acting like we're your best friends. We bring you back in to room with us while you consume without cost or limit, halfheartedly looking for full-time work during the day while wholeheartedly going out with your other unemployed friends at night. Of course, you'll accept this offer -- why not? It isn't as if you have anything else to do.
This seems especially crazy to me, because when your parents were your age, moving back in with their parents would have been less than a last resort. Back then, college grads found a cheap apartment, a roommate (or two), a jalopy car, and a so-so job -- whatever it took to remain independent. Have you become so lazy and reliant on your parents' money that you aren't willing to do these things? For many of you, the answer is yes.
In summary, at your age, your grandparents were fighting a war, and your parents were on their own, possibly even married with children. Most of you graduates are about as far from that as you can be. So much for learning what you live.
So, it's up to you, graduates. Your parents have sold out to be your friends. Your friends have sold out to be your enablers. Unless you have a trust fund, you're going to have to pick yourself up by your bootstraps (have your parents tie them first), and self-start your way out into the big world.
Good luck. And remember, in the immortal words of Judge Smails from Caddyshack, "The world needs ditch-diggers, too."
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