Dear Graduating Class of 2014

Time for my annual advice to graduating seniors.  I'm going to once again concentrate on college-level seniors, but to high school graduates I have this reminder:  You haven't accomplished anything.  According to the census bureau, nearly 90% of U.S. citizens over age 25 have a high school education.  Congrats for not being the 1 out of 10, if it makes you feel better.  You know those graduation parties your parents threw to celebrate?  Those weren't actually for you, they were for your parents and other relatives, who survived your vain teenage years.  Call me in five years and we can talk about your accomplishments, if any.

As for our college graduates, I've decided I may have been too hard on you the past couple of years.  If you've got a bachelor's degree but no job or plans for independent living, you may not be entirely to blame.  It's clear there is another culprit, and I'm not referring to the economy.  It's your parents.

That's right, your parents are at least partially to blame for your troubles.  The children of the so-called 'greatest generation' have become the greatest coddlers.

You'd think that after hearing about our own parents winning World War II, then partaking in a mechanical and transportation revolution that put hard work at a premium, we would teach that same toughness and work ethic to our kids.  Instead, we've gone the other way.  We've excused your (in)actions, and often allowed you too much slack during college, where many of you now don't even attempt to find a full-time job until after graduation.

And there's no pressure to find a job, because we parents will do you graduates an even greater disservice by acting like we're your best friends.  We bring you back in to room with us while you consume without cost or limit, halfheartedly looking for full-time work during the day while wholeheartedly going out with your other unemployed friends at night.  Of course, you'll accept this offer -- why not?  It isn't as if you have anything else to do.

This seems especially crazy to me, because when your parents were your age, moving back in with their parents would have been less than a last resort.  Back then, college grads found a cheap apartment, a roommate (or two), a jalopy car, and a so-so job -- whatever it took to remain independent.  Have you become so lazy and reliant on your parents' money that you aren't willing to do these things?  For many of you, the answer is yes.

In summary, at your age, your grandparents were fighting a war, and your parents were on their own, possibly even married with children.  Most of you graduates are about as far from that as you can be.  So much for learning what you live.

So, it's up to you, graduates.  Your parents have sold out to be your friends.  Your friends have sold out to be your enablers.  Unless you have a trust fund, you're going to have to pick yourself up by your bootstraps (have your parents tie them first), and self-start your way out into the big world.

Good luck.  And remember, in the immortal words of Judge Smails from Caddyshack, "The world needs ditch-diggers, too."

Maintenance Required

This week I tweeted about how fed up I am with dog owners who never walk their dogs, and instead let them just pee and dump in their front or back yards.  (The one good thing about this is, at least they aren't doing their business in MY yard.)  Even though I've mentioned this issue on a prior occasion, I've decided I need to expand on this mini-rant.

If you buy a pet, and specifically here I will refer to a dog, you are going ALL IN.  That means there will be a lot more to do than just have the dog sit in your lap or play with your kids on the lawn.  It means you need to keep them fed, and healthy, and sheltered.  And yes, you need to walk them probably twice a day.

You're an idiot if you buy your kids a dog and just expect them to take care of this.  Ain't gonna happen.  Oh sure, it'll work for a few weeks or maybe months, but eventually the kids realize it's a chore and give up on it. That means the primary dog-walker is going to be the adult(s) in the house, unless you hire it out.

If you aren't willing to walk your dog in the elements on a daily basis (even factoring in a few days when it simply isn't possible), then don't buy a dog, dummy.  Find another form of companionship --  it will be better for both you and the dog.

And while I'm at it, I'm going to throw in the same sort of logic for residential homeowner lawns.  If you aren't going to take care of your lawn, please don't buy a house with a lawn.  Or hire someone else to take care of it for you.

This is especially true if you live in my neighborhood, effectively de-valuing my property by your lack of attention to yard work.  At least I have the ability to contact the weed commissioner about you, which I've been known to do for repeat offenders.

In summary, don't buy things that require regular maintenance, and then refuse to maintain them.

Berky Meeting Nuggets 2014 (Abridged)

For the first time in longer than I can remember, I wasn't able to attend this year's Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting.  Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger went ahead without me this year.

Here's one meeting summary.  Here's another.  Both are good, but unfortunately, both are largely devoid of the humorous interplay between Buffett and Munger as they answered questions.

They no doubt missed me.

A Fitness Problem

Central Iowa has a fitness problem.  But not like you might think.

In the next few weeks, LifeTime Fitness is going to open a huge franchised health club in suburban Des Moines.  This is the latest of many other large 'full-service' fitness facilities in the metro area, including Prairie Life Fitness, Seven Flags Fitness, Aspen Athletic Club, Fitness World West, plus several newer YMCAs that exist in and around the city.

In the meantime, we have a variety of other not-quite-full service health facilities, such as Planet Fitness or CrossFit Des Moines.  Of course, we also have a bunch of 24-hour self-service options, like Anytime Fitness or Snap Fitness.

We also have all kinds of other wellness entities (some with multiple locations and many locally-owned) that actually exist for various boutique exercise classes, including Farrell's Extreme Bodyshaping or Kosama, to name two of more than 20.

So in a metro area of about 300,000, we are overrun with health clubs.  Unfortunately, we are not overrun with healthy looking people.

This begs the question, how do all of these fitness facilities make enough money to exist?  The only logical conclusion I can come up with is, this is an industry that is given money in return for nothing.  Think about it -- thousands of people pay monthly and/or annual membership fees to partake in the venue and/or classes, and then inevitably many of them never actually show up.

This is clearly a great business model, offering a pre-paid service that is never actually performed, with no guarantee of a better outcome.  As a fee-based financial advisor, the cynical side of me would say this business model is a lot that of a commission-based financial advisor!

In the end, not all of these fitness places are going to make it.  That's good, because later this year I'll be looking to buy some excellent used exercise equipment.