The Ten, Make That Nine, Habits of Very Organized People. Make That Ten.

Just finished reading Steve Martin's new book, The Ten, Make That Nine, Habits of Very Organized People.  Make That Ten.  Just that title should be enough to make you laugh and want to read it.

If the title isn't enough, then how about this:  It's a book of some of his tweets over the past year, and it takes less than an hour to read.

Anyone who follows him on Twitter know his tweets usually come in bunches, over the course of a day, typically on a single event or topic.  You don't need to be a lifelong Steve Martin fan like me in order to appreciate how he uses social media for both his own enjoyment, and the enjoyment of others.

Here's an example of a stream of his Tweets from the book, about the iPhone:

"A watched iPhone never syncs."

"My iPhone is now lip-syncing."

"iPhone just synced perfectly with toaster. All is well."

"iPhone and computer heading off to hotel spa for leisurely afernoon sync. Back in 4 hours, they said."

"iPhone and computer came back from spa with DIFFERENCT DONNECTOR CORD. Is something going on?"

Now that's tweet comedy!

How March Madness Used To Be

Some of my early memories of the NCAA basketball tournament, and college basketball in general, circa late 1970s:

*Only 40 teams - 8 first-round games, with the winners joining 24 others in the round of 32.  Went to 48 teams soon after.  (Then 64, 68...)

*Only one TV network showing games - and it was NBC.  There was no such thing as cable or satellite TV, come on!

*No national TV for the early round games, nor the elite eight games.  Hell, it wasn't even called the elite eight then, it was called the 'quarterfinal round' if you can believe that.

*No shot clock; no three-point line.

*Duke went to the Final Four in 1978, and no one knew who they were.

*Really long socks.  Really short shorts.  Really long hair.

*The NCAA had just started to allow dunking.  It had been a techincal foul.  I am not making this up.

*Magic v. Bird, 1979 championship game, the most watched one ever.  Real time: As hyped as it might have been then, nobody really knew if either of them would be a good professional player.

Taxpayers Win = Taxpayers Loss

Time for another story about taxpayers getting the shaft.

Last week the Iowa Supreme Court ruled in favor of the plantiff in a nearly 8-year old suit against the city of Des Moines.  In short, the court reaffirmed decisions previously made at lower judiciary level that the city had illegally charged citizens a franchise fee on their utility bills.

In the end, the city has been ordered to refund $9 million.  Case closed (after 8 years) right?

Um, maybe not.  Des Moines' city 'leaders' are considering spending even more money on their lost cause to appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court, which almost certainly will not hear the case because it doesn't have enough widespread application.

And regardless, the city council is making it clear that they will ultimately recoup the funds from taxpayers anyway, by using some other tax source to fund the $9 million from those same tax-ees.  So the taxpayers win the lawsuit after being screwed, and the reward is to get screwed a second time.

In other words, Des Moines' city 'leaders' aren't even going to make an effort to find a way to minimize the impact of their mistake by stopping their legal appeals, or god forbid, reducing expenses.  There is something so fundamentally wrong with this, it's no wonder fringe groups like the Tea Party can gain popular support.

At least props go to the district court judge who's original order was upheld by the Iowa Supreme Court.  When the city argued that the fee should be upheld because not doing so would have the same impact on taxholders, here's what he wrote in his ruling:

“The court disagrees with the City’s position that equity mandates there be no refund to the class. If the court was to accept the City’s position no refund under the City’s benefit/no detriment argument the court would be sending a message to all cities in Iowa that as long as cities use funds from the illegal taxation for the good and honorable purposes, the taxpayers don’t have anything to complain about and have no right to a refund of the funds illegally collected. The City’s position in this regard is not supported by any just, fair or equitable principle. The court should not and will not send such a message."

Along with the plaintiff, he's the warrior for the taxpayers.

Best Song Lyrics (Part IX)

Today there was a mad scramble in this area for tickets to the April 17, 2012 Jimmy Buffett concert in Des Moines.  He hasn't played here for 27 years, so anyone who wasn't a willing, traveling Parrothead over that time, like me, hasn't had a chance to see him.  (One exeption - I saw him sing a song live at the Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting in Omaha years ago, when his cousin Warren Buffett flew him in and he performed 'Berkshire Hathawayaville' by changing the words to 'Margaritaville' melody.)

Buffett has long had a cult following (Jimmy and Warren both), but let's face it, a lot of his songs are campy.  That obscures the smart lyrics of some of his songs.  Take his famous song 'Fins' about men - land sharks - hitting on women:

She came down from Cincinnati
It took her three days on the train
Lookin' for some peace and quiet
Hoped to see the sun again
But now she lives down by the ocean
She's takin' care to look for sharks
They hang out in the local bars
And they feed right after dark

Can't you feel 'em circlin', honey
Can't you feel 'em swimmin' around
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you're the only bait in town
Oh oh
Oh oh
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you're the only girl in town

She's saving up all of her money
Wants to head it south in May
Maybe roll in the sand with a rock 'n' roll man
Somewhere down Montserrat way
But the money's good in the season
Helps to lighten up her load
Boys keep her high as the months go by
She's getting postcards from the road

Can't you feel 'em closin' in, honey
Can't you feel 'em schoolin' around
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you're the only girl in town

Sailed off to Antigua
It took her three days on a boat
Lookin' for some peace and quiet
Maybe keep her dreams afloat
But now she feels like a remora
'Cause the school's still close at hand
Just behind the reef are the big white teeth
Of the sharks that can swim on the land

Can't you feel 'em circlin', honey
Can't you feel 'em schoolin' around
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you're the only bait in town
You got fins to the left, fins to the right
And you're the only girl in town

Burning Words

A few weeks ago I wrote about how America need not apologize for its treatment of dead enemy soldiers.  Turns out that small furor was nothing compared to our latest request to apologize.

This week in Afghanistan, some NATO troops accidentally burned some copies of the Quran.  Apparently this is a serious no-no in Islam, burning former trees that have taken the shape of the word of Allah.  It may shock some that this act resulted in massive demonstrations there, with many people killed including two Americans, but read this and you won't be that surprised.

With all due respect to the beliefs of another religion, this really is an outrage - to humanity.  Equating a bound compilation of wood products that was put together in some print shop (maybe in China?) with something so sacred that human violence and death is wished upon its (accidental) desecration?  This is taking the concept that Christians might call 'Word Made Flesh' to a whole different level.

To add injury to insult, President Obama apologized on behalf of America.  He called the act "inadvertent," and said, "We will take the appropriate steps to avoid any recurrence, including holding accountable those responsible."

OK, I'm sure at some level we had to do this to try to save other lives - presumably American lives.  But damn him for making me agree with this reply from none other than Newt Gingrich: "The president apologized for the burning, but I haven't seen the president demand that the government of Afghanistan apologize for the killing of two Americans."

Of course, the Taliban rejected the apology anyway.  They called on Afghans to take revenge, saying, "We should attack their military bases, their military convoys, we should kill their soldiers, arrest their invading soldiers, beat them up and give a kind of lesson to them that they never dare to insult the holy Quran."

Clearly, it's less offensive to some Muslims to kill people than it is to burn a Quran.

I suppose all religions have doctrines that don't make sense.  Regardless, if any belief or act can be justified in the name of a religion (be it Islam or Christianity or anything else) you don't have a religion, you have a cult.  That's something we'd all be better off without.

The Pretenders

No, this is not an entry about the 1980s English rock band with hits such as Back On The Chain Gang and Middle Of The Road.  They are not worthy.

This is about people who jump on the bandwagon.

We've all seen this before, in a variety of ways.  In the past couple of weeks, I've witnessed no less than three manifestations of it....

It's the person who doesn't give a damn about a sports team the entire regular season, and then suddenly acts like the team's biggest long-time fan when they get to the championship game.  Never mind that the person can't name more than one or two of the team's players.

It's the person who claims to not like a certain musician, and then suddenly acts like the artist's biggest fan when they are coming to town for a concert.  Never mind that the person can't name more than one or two of the artist's songs.

It's the person who claims not to like a certain part of the country, and then suddenly acts as if they should be the tour guide when that place is chosen for a group trip.  Never mind that the person can't name more than one or two tourist destinations in that region.

The Pretenders don't actually care about the team, or the musician, or the trip.  They care about not being a part of something, even if they couldn't care less about that something.

So to all of the Pretenders out there, stop your phony coat-tailing and go away, and let the people who really care take your place.

Praising Arizona

Got away for a few days of R&R in the Phoenix, Arizona area this past week.  I've been there several times before, and the older I get, the more I like it.  (If you visit there in the winter months, you can plainly see this attitude is shared by a lot of older Americans.)

A few observations about the trip:

*I'll take Arizona winter over Florida winter anytime.  No humidity, no daily thunderstorm threat, no bugs (unless you count scorpions).

*Played another awesome golf course there.  I've now played 5 different resort-style courses in the Phoenix area, and only one didn't meet or exceed expectations.  The price/value isn't any better than in Iowa, but the courses are more scenic and in better condition.

*Speaking of scenic, I can't imagine a more scenic city/area than Sedona, Arizona.  Plus, it's cyclist-friendly.

*The Phoenix area is currenly on sale.  Tons of property in on the market, no doubt for a fraction of what it might have cost a few years ago.  Basically, it's the desert version of what's been going on in Florida - lots of empty property originally bought to rent out to now non-exisitent vacationers.

And one sort of non-Arizona thing:  I don't understand why anyone would want to fly on any other airline than Southwest, if possible. Cheaper fares, friendlier employees.  Yeah I know, no first class seating - that only makes it better.