Golf Outing Etiquette

This week I played in a 4-person scramble golf outing.  I only do this 2-3 times a summer, usually for charity.  Some outings are have more perks, some are more organized than others, some use nicer golf courses, some have better food – it runs the gamut, and I’m typically satisfied that my time is well spent.

Unfortunately, this week’s outing had one big downside – I had a dipshit playing in our group.  He wasn’t unfriendly; he simply had no self-awareness, no clue about golf, nor any clue about golf etiquette.

There are almost too many examples of his dipshit-ness, but it ranged from running out of golf balls early in the round, to playing half of the round in bare feet.  And this may go without saying, but he was a terrible, terrible golfer.

None of that would have mattered if he’d been the least bit self-deprecating.  I’ve played with plenty of terrible golfers in my day, but it’s still been enjoyable.  Most just try to make the best of it, chat you up, limit their embarrassment, and play quickly.  Not this guy.

Even though he never hit the ball more than 100 yards all day (and most of those shots were chunks that went straight to the right or left), late in the round he was still asking about whether he should aim for that tree….the one, you know, 300 yards in the distance.

The bottom line on this is, if you only play golf once or twice a year, you should not be playing in a golf outing.  But if you are absolutely obligated to play, here are the rules you must follow:

• Lower the group’s expectations when introduced to them.  Just acknowledge you don’t golf much.  Any decent golfer can tell how good you are by just watching a few of your swings, and/or by the equipment you’re using.  (In other words, we know by the second hole how painful this will be for everyone.)

• Be friendly and jovial.

• Know golf etiquette.  This includes what you wear (collared shirt and shoes are a must), and what you do on the course.  You can read up about this etiquette thing, you don’t even have to be a golfer.

• Don’t make excuses all day.  

• Play first and play fast.  If you suck at golf, get your shot out of the way and step aside.  Who knows, you might actually hit a putt that others in the group can use as a read to make their own.

Above all remember that you can just politely decline if invited to a golf outing.  Or make up an excuse for being unable to attend, whatever it takes.  Do it for yourself, and every other golfer.