Several weeks ago, there was some media attention given to Twitter's tenth anniversary. Some of that attention focused on the negatives of Twitter, namely that it makes some people believe they're more important than they really are. (I'm looking at you, B-list celebrities and athletes.)
However, one article I read was someone's list of the 100 funniest jokes in the history of Twitter. It seems odd, but while some jokes are funny when spoken, others only work in print. The latter is one of the best things about Twitter, and it's made even better by the fact they have to work in 140 characters or less. The joke has to be short, therefore, it has to be smart.
Here are a few of my favorites from that list of 100, most of which would only work in print:
Most cutting thing you can say is "who's this clown?" because it implies they're a) a clown & b) not even one of the better-known clowns
ME: honey, it's really muggy out today
WIFE: if I go outside & all our mugs are on the front lawn, I'm leaving u
ME: *sips coffee from bowl*
When you’re cutting wrapping paper and your scissors start to glide is what I imagine heroin feels like
[ordering cake over phone]
"and what would you like the cake to say?"
[covers phone to ask wife]
"do we want a talking cake?"
"Anybody here named Jeff?"
Jeff: "Yes"
Geoff: "Yeos"
The best thing about trying to name a baby is realizing how many people you hate
-The name's Bond. James Bond.
-I've written Bond now.
-Oh. Can you change it or is it too late?
-When your coffee's ready they'll call Bond
I put the "baller" in "I just ruined my daughter's ballerina recital."
COP: u were swerving a lot so i have to conduct a sobriety test
ME: ok
COP: lets get taco bell
ME: no
COP: text ur ex
ME: no
COP: ok ur good
When parents say to kids "go to ur room & think about what you've done" it's really good practice for what you'll do every night as an adult
What my girlfriend thought, first 4 dates:
1. Nice shirt.
2. Wow. A second nice shirt.
3. Okay, first shirt again.
4. He has two shirts.
(•_•) (•_•)
<) )╯ ALAS
/ \
(•_•)
\(•_•)
( (> POOR
/ \
(•_•)
<) )> YORICK
/ \ (•_•)
Saturday, April 30, 2016
Friday, April 15, 2016
Mayo-praise
Due in part to a major medical issue from 15+ years ago, I occasionally go to Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota for diagnostic testing and check-ups. It started out as a kind of second opinion on treatment I'd already received, to help determine if there was a different / better course going forward. I got comfortable with doctor(s) I saw there, and it morphed into semi-annual, then annual, and now once every 3-5 years deal at my discretion.
I made my latest Mayo visit this week. It's about a 3 hour, one-way trip, and although I've done the entire visit in a day, I usually add a one-night hotel stay. When I go now, I'm contemplative about the prior visits, and why I still go there.
The bottom line is, Mayo is different than other health care providers. In dozens of testing appointments over the years, I've rarely had to wait. The staff has always been 'Minnesota Nice' in those times. Perhaps best of all, the diagnostic testing reports are done immediately, so I can visit the doctor, often in the same building, within a couple of hours to hear the outcome.
Factor in that the Mayo Clinic doctors are salaried staff. They don't get paid more for seeing more patients, or for ordering more tests. It's a very patient-friendly model, and from that perspective, it's almost infuriating that health care organizations aren't all mandated to operate in that same way.
However, it isn't the most financially-friendly model. It's definitely more expensive, for both the testing and the doctor visits. So, if you don't have insurance coverage, there may be a question of value, something that can't be overlooked.
Fortunately, I have insurance. I also have a desire to go to a place where I'll know about any medical breakthroughs related to my condition / treatment, if and when that happens. I still feel the trip to the Mayo Clinic is worth the extra time and cost.
I made my latest Mayo visit this week. It's about a 3 hour, one-way trip, and although I've done the entire visit in a day, I usually add a one-night hotel stay. When I go now, I'm contemplative about the prior visits, and why I still go there.
The bottom line is, Mayo is different than other health care providers. In dozens of testing appointments over the years, I've rarely had to wait. The staff has always been 'Minnesota Nice' in those times. Perhaps best of all, the diagnostic testing reports are done immediately, so I can visit the doctor, often in the same building, within a couple of hours to hear the outcome.
Factor in that the Mayo Clinic doctors are salaried staff. They don't get paid more for seeing more patients, or for ordering more tests. It's a very patient-friendly model, and from that perspective, it's almost infuriating that health care organizations aren't all mandated to operate in that same way.
However, it isn't the most financially-friendly model. It's definitely more expensive, for both the testing and the doctor visits. So, if you don't have insurance coverage, there may be a question of value, something that can't be overlooked.
Fortunately, I have insurance. I also have a desire to go to a place where I'll know about any medical breakthroughs related to my condition / treatment, if and when that happens. I still feel the trip to the Mayo Clinic is worth the extra time and cost.
Friday, April 1, 2016
Ratings > Perspective
Today there was a funeral for a Des Moines police officer, one of two killed last week in a late night interstate highway collision. The officers were transporting an inmate from another jurisdiction when they were hit by a presumed drunk driver, who was driving on the wrong side of the road.
As with the other officer buried earlier in the week, there were scores of other law enforcement personnel in attendance from other parts of Iowa and the country. That’s not a surprise. What is a surprise, at least to me, is the production scope of the visitation and funeral ceremonies, and the media attention being given to these events.
For the past four days, main roads have been shut down for extended periods so the bodies could be transported from funeral homes to churches to burial sites. These transports have included processions of dozens, perhaps hundreds, of police and fire department vehicles, with hundreds, if not thousands, of people paying their respects at the churches, or by standing along these procession routes. And in something I believe to be unprecedented, there has been live TV coverage of the funerals on multiple stations.
Don’t get me wrong, the death of these police officers (plus two others, including the driver of the other car and the prisoner being transported) is tragic. But can we at least agree that relative to other tragic deaths, the amount of attention being given to their funerals is somewhat disproportional to what happened.
Yes, they were on duty, and the law enforcement code rightfully gives them and their families an outpouring of support and respect. However, they were not doing anything heroic. Being killed by a (allegedly) drunk driver isn’t the same as being killed by taking a bullet, or running into a burning house, or trying to quell a riot. The manner in which they died could have, and has, happened to countless others before them, both on the job and off. And while those incidents often garner much support and attention, it isn’t anything like this. Not even close.
To put it into more perspective, consider a military member killed on the other side of the world in Iraq or Afghanistan or some other god forsaken place. Yes, the military gives that person tremendous respect, and the funeral is given much attention. However, it receives nowhere near the attention that the public and media are giving to these officers. And let’s be real, that military member deserves at least as much, probably more attention, given their sacrifice. They are doing something extraordinary, just being on the other side of the world for months or years, regardless of the cause of death.
I blame the local media for whipping up public sentiment beyond the pale. They’ve made it a race to see which TV or radio or newspaper or even social media outlet can show that they have more empathy about the local police officer deaths. Consequently, people are paying more than the usual amount of attention. That isn’t the fault of the officers, or their families, or I suppose even the police department. But the whole thing is out of proportion nonetheless.
It reminds me of many years ago when Princess Diana died, and then Mother Teresa of Calcutta died days later. Diana’s funeral became worldwide spectacle, covered live by international media. Mother Teresa’s funeral deserved every bit as much coverage, probably more given the circumstances, but only grudgingly got some. Ratings, you know. It might have gotten none at all without the guilt of the networks for their over-the-top coverage of Diana.
I’ve privately mentioned my surprise to a few folks, and no one disagrees, but no one dares say it out loud. Let’s just say the next time a local soldier is killed, I’d better see wall-to-wall media coverage about it. It’s just a matter of time before another law enforcement or military funeral doesn’t have the same coverage, when there will be some public backlash.
As with the other officer buried earlier in the week, there were scores of other law enforcement personnel in attendance from other parts of Iowa and the country. That’s not a surprise. What is a surprise, at least to me, is the production scope of the visitation and funeral ceremonies, and the media attention being given to these events.
For the past four days, main roads have been shut down for extended periods so the bodies could be transported from funeral homes to churches to burial sites. These transports have included processions of dozens, perhaps hundreds, of police and fire department vehicles, with hundreds, if not thousands, of people paying their respects at the churches, or by standing along these procession routes. And in something I believe to be unprecedented, there has been live TV coverage of the funerals on multiple stations.
Don’t get me wrong, the death of these police officers (plus two others, including the driver of the other car and the prisoner being transported) is tragic. But can we at least agree that relative to other tragic deaths, the amount of attention being given to their funerals is somewhat disproportional to what happened.
Yes, they were on duty, and the law enforcement code rightfully gives them and their families an outpouring of support and respect. However, they were not doing anything heroic. Being killed by a (allegedly) drunk driver isn’t the same as being killed by taking a bullet, or running into a burning house, or trying to quell a riot. The manner in which they died could have, and has, happened to countless others before them, both on the job and off. And while those incidents often garner much support and attention, it isn’t anything like this. Not even close.
To put it into more perspective, consider a military member killed on the other side of the world in Iraq or Afghanistan or some other god forsaken place. Yes, the military gives that person tremendous respect, and the funeral is given much attention. However, it receives nowhere near the attention that the public and media are giving to these officers. And let’s be real, that military member deserves at least as much, probably more attention, given their sacrifice. They are doing something extraordinary, just being on the other side of the world for months or years, regardless of the cause of death.
I blame the local media for whipping up public sentiment beyond the pale. They’ve made it a race to see which TV or radio or newspaper or even social media outlet can show that they have more empathy about the local police officer deaths. Consequently, people are paying more than the usual amount of attention. That isn’t the fault of the officers, or their families, or I suppose even the police department. But the whole thing is out of proportion nonetheless.
It reminds me of many years ago when Princess Diana died, and then Mother Teresa of Calcutta died days later. Diana’s funeral became worldwide spectacle, covered live by international media. Mother Teresa’s funeral deserved every bit as much coverage, probably more given the circumstances, but only grudgingly got some. Ratings, you know. It might have gotten none at all without the guilt of the networks for their over-the-top coverage of Diana.
I’ve privately mentioned my surprise to a few folks, and no one disagrees, but no one dares say it out loud. Let’s just say the next time a local soldier is killed, I’d better see wall-to-wall media coverage about it. It’s just a matter of time before another law enforcement or military funeral doesn’t have the same coverage, when there will be some public backlash.
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