Dear Graduating Class of 2012

To High School Graduates of 2012:

Congratulations on what is probably the greatest accomplishment of your life so far. Now the bad news - it doesn't really matter.

If you are/were a slacker up to now, you probably feel like you got over, and in some sense that's true.  The thing of it is, you'd have to be a complete moron, or maybe a criminal, not to get a diploma with the sorry state of public schooling these days. Plus, now you're just going to continue being a slacker, so what did you really get over on? But thank you for your lack of effort anyway, because I'm always going to need people willing and only able to work in the service industry to take care of me.

If you are/were not a slacker up to now, good for you, it might have helped you get a college scholarship and made your family proud.  Unfortunately, as of this moment, you are no farther ahead in life than the slacker to which I just referred.  All that work took you to the same piece of paper that the lazy students got.  Sucks, doesn't it? The good news is, you have a better future ahead, and from here you are going to very quickly improve your chances of future prosperity over the slacker.

To College Graduates of 2012:

Congratulations on what is probably the greatest accomplishment of your life so far. Now the bad news - it's time to grow up.

What the hell is the matter with your generation?  Not so long ago, going to college meant you had four years to develop a certain set of intellectual skills, and upon your graduation you already had a job and/or post-graduate school lined up to begin a couple of weeks later.  Now more often than not, you take more than four years to get an undergraduate degree, and you have a 'now what?' look on your face as you walk across the stage, and you move back home.

Gimme a break.  What were you doing during your last year of college?  You had tons of time to complete or apply for internships, and interview for and land an actual job.  I don't know you, but I know the probability is high that you didn't put a whole lot of time into it.

And don't give me the old 'tough job market' excuses.  I know, I know, the Great Recession is making it tough on college graduates - that doesn't mean you shouldn't try.  It means you need to try harder.

Also, try expanding your job horizons already.  It's a big country out there, you don't need to limit your search to the city/state in which you grew up.  This may come as a surprise to you, but that was kind of part of going to college, realizing it's a big world of other people and opportunities out there.

I don't entirely blame you.  I also blame your parents.  Apparently, they want you to have an option that they didn't have, meaning moving back home and allowing you to indefinitely leech off of them.  Fortunately for you, my generation has decided they would rather be your adult friends instead of being your parents.

It's hard not to take advantage of this invitation to slacker-ville, no doubt.  Just be accountable, OK?  If you have a new degree but no job, it's probably your fault.  Your parents want you succeed, and they may give you a place to avoid the big, bad world for a while, but don't get used to taking advantage of it.

Which brings me to my quick and opposite advice:  It's a big, bad world out there. Get used to it.